


Crosses

by Lia_Lia



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Ace Spectrum, Eating Disorders, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-26 02:41:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21366835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lia_Lia/pseuds/Lia_Lia
Summary: I suck at writing summary.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Kudos: 32





	Crosses

"What are you doing Draco?" Pansy half asked half shouted toward the closed door. She couldn't just walk away and ignore what she thought, what she knew was happening inside. No matter how much she wanted to, she couldn't just pretend it wasn't happening. "Draco for fuck sake don't you dare begin again. Open this fucking door or I'll open it myself!  
\- a minute." He asked from the other room, but his voice was hoarse and unsteady. But he didn't flushed the toilet. Through the door she heard water flowing from the tap.   
"Draco I'm going to open that fucking door if you don't get out now!" She shouted, not caring if her voice carried outside of their flat. The whole world could hear her as long as Draco did.  
"I asked for a fucking minute Pans!  
\- A fucking minute ! How do you dare ! How do you dare do this to me ! Open that door that's my last warning !  
\- Then come !" He said, finally opening the wooden door. " Happy now ?  
\- What were you doing ? Fuck off Draco what do you think you are doing?!  
\- You wanted to get in and now you're in !  
\- You can't do this !  
\- Hell I can! Just walk out if that bother you !  
\- Draco no... Talk to me please... Get up love, talk to me...  
\- I don't have the time. I got to get myself ready.  
\- Ready for what?" She asked, her voice barely audible as the horror of it all kept sinking in. " What are you making yourself throw off for ?" she almost whisper, tears wetting her eyes.   
" It's none of your business. Now leave or stay.  
\- Draco...  
\- Then I take it for a stay." He stated coldly before turning his gaze away from her. In a muffled crie she watched in shocked as her best friend from ever bent down and pushed his fingers down his throat, once then twice. " Merlin I hate this." He coughed, rising up.   
" Then don't do it...  
\- I have to." He whispered, cleaning his fingers and drying his eyes. "Pansy just leave me I'm not done yet.  
\- Just stop...  
\- I can't." He just said, avoiding her gaze. Bending down again, he pushed painfully his gastric content out of his body.  
" Done?" She asked as he flushed. Staring at his reflection in the mirror she couldn't help but take a step toward him, embracing him from behind. "Draco you have to stop doing this." She murmured against his back. " I thought you had quit...  
\- So did I." He let out in a painful breath. " I really hoped you know. Hoped I.. hoped I wouldn't do this anymore... But nothing is fixed, isn't it ? Not even that..  
\- Did you binge?" She asked calmly, tracing figures on his shirt. "Do you think you ate too much ?  
\- I didn't... For Merlin sake I didn't." He broke down, shaking as he started crying. "Pansy I can't do it.  
\- Do what ?  
\- Harry. He asked me to come over.  
\- Is that why ..?   
\- How could I do this to him Pans ? Misleading him in thinking I can be liked ? Loved? Fucked ?  
\- Draco...  
\- huh ? Is that your fucking answer?! 'Draco'? I'm a mess Pans. I'm a mess and he's going to found out and he'll ditch me! Or worse. Or worse he'll stay and I'll hurt him along the way ! He's gonna see my scars and ask about them or maybe I'll go spiralling again and he'd found fresh cuts ? How am I supposed to talk about all the crap inside my head Pans? Huh? Should I tell him before he takes off my shirt? Should I tell him before he's all hot and hard and I'm not ? He's gonna me see naked one day, soon or not it will happen! And when the time comes what do you think will happen ? What do you think he will see ? My scars ? This body I hate ? This life I despised ? What the fuck am I supposed to do ? Hide behind false excuses ? Gain time by hiding behind my sexuality? How long do you think it will work ? I know he wants me. I'm trapped Pansy. I'm trapped. He asked me over Pans. He asked me over.  
\- Draco love..." she murmured in his hair, tighten her hold. "Why don't you just tell him you're not ready for it yet?  
\- Because that wouldn't change a thing. If it doesn't happen now it will happen later.  
\- Unless you talk to him before...  
\- He's gonna ditch me...  
\- Then he's a dick.  
\- You can't go insulting people because I'm crazy.  
\- If he ditch you for your mental issues,he's a dick. If he ditch you for not wanting sex, he's a dick. That's all I am saying.  
\- Not everybody can live without sex Pans. I know he wants it.  
\- But you told him, didn't you ?  
\- And ? Yeah I told him but I've kissed him, I touched him, I bite him. How the fuck wasn't I already misleading him ?!  
\- You told him ! Now touches and bites don't have to lead to sex. It can stay that way and if you don't talk to him how could you know for sure he got it?  
\- Even if he got it... The moment he'll see my scars ...  
\- Then tell him before he sees them.  
\- I don't want to.  
\- Draco... If you want him in your life you'll have to let him in. If not what will your relationship be worth for ? Tell him how you feel. Tell him you're scared, tell him you're not ready yet, tell him it's going to fast.  
\- and if he doesn't understand?  
\- then he's not the right bloke for you. It's that easy.  
\- I don't know if I can do it Pans.  
\- Do you have another choice? Stayin alone for ever ?  
\- You're here.  
\- and I will always be. But you can't cross out love because you're scared. I won't let you.  
\- Stay with me.  
\- I will. I will."


End file.
